Letter to my adoptive parents

Dear mom and dad,

I am so grateful for both of you. Since the day you brought me here you both have showed me unconditional love and support. There’s not enough words to describe how much I love and appreciate all you have done for me. You gave me a roof to laugh, to cry, and sleep under. You both gave me a shoulder to lean on. You gave me structure with understanding that allowed me to grow up to be the person I was always meant to be. Thank you for never having to sit down with me for the “You’re adopted” talk. You didn’t keep that a secret from me, and I cannot express the gratitude I have toward you for that. Thank you for being such amazing parents. I’m sorry that we fight sometimes, but when you’re an only child and don’t have sisters and brothers to fight with, you two become the target, but that doesn’t mean I don’t respect you guys or that I love you any less. In fact it makes me love you more because it has taught me to fight for what I believe in. I love to infinity and beyond and would not want it any other way.

Sincerely,

Your daughter

Letter to my birth parents

Dear Birth Parents,

I don’t know where to even begin. I have so many feelings that I’ve kept in for many years but I never knew how to express them until now. Expressing my feelings has never been an easy task for me. I am currently at a bookstore trying so hard not to cry because this is not easy writing it all out. First off, I just want to say thank you for bringing me into this world. I know it probably was not easy for you to make the agonizing decision to give me up but I know it was out of love. Despite the fact that you did it out of love it hurt me in many ways. I wanted to write this letter to let you know I’m okay. To let you know that you made the right decision. Almost 23 years ago you changed my life. You made, what I hope was a hard decision, to give me up. To provide me with a better life. To give me a chance at a future that you could not provide. The decision that changed my life, the ultimate sacrifice, was absolutely what was meant to me. You have blessed me with such amazing adoptive parents. They have filled my life with endless love and support from day one. I’m sure that when you gave me up you wanted to ensure stability, security and that I was properly cared for. I hope you know, you gave me that and so much more. I’ve been really lucky. I’ve gotten to travel, I’ve gotten to love, and I’ve gotten to laugh. I’ve gotten to live a life where I never had to question if I would have a roof over my head or if I would have something to eat for dinner. Most importantly, I always have had the comfort of coming home to a family full of unconditional love. Know that I do often think about you. I will always love you for the fact without you, I would not be where I am today!

Much love,

Your daughter

Having my own kids vs. adopting

A common question I get asked is “do you want to adopt or have kids of your own someday?” my answer is both. My ultimate goal is that I want to provide unconditional love to my child regardless if they are my own-blood related or not. I am the type of person who loves to help others. I believe that adoption cannot give parents the pleasure of growing and nuturing a baby after birth, but it can give the parents pleasure that goes along with making a huge different in the life of a child that needs you. Adopting can allow you to provide a family for a child who has been living life unsure as to whether or not they will ever have one of their own. As to having a child of my own I would want to give birth to a baby that looks like me and shares some of the same traits as me and raising my own, I think it’d be cool to see mini me’s running around. I am honestly not against one more than the other because like I said at the end of the day I just want to provide unconditonal love and I hope my child(ren) know that they will always be loved and protected by me no matter what.

My thoughts about the book ‘Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother’: Stories of Loss and Love

I’m not one to normally pick up a book in my free time but I’ve been told this book is really good so I thought why not give it a shot. This book is beautifully written, and probably one of the most difficult books (emotionally) I’ve ever read. This is a book is about heartbreaking stories of Chinese women forced to give up their baby girls through a variety of settings and circumstances. It is also quite an education in Chinese culture. There were quite a few times when I just wanted to stop and end the book because it was too hard to read. I believe for me, one of the hardest parts of this book was hearing about all the ways women get rid of girls. It brought chills to my body and at times made me feel sick. How can a mother do that? The book will explain their reasons. It’s a book filled with many emotions, for me mostly mad and sad but a well worth read book. I definitely would recommend this book for any adoptive parent or adoptee.

My story

  1. It’s almost 10pm and I’m sitting in my bed with many thoughts running through my head not knowing what to write so I’ll start off with a mini introduction. My name is Abby, I am 22 and I currently in Chicago, Illinois. I was born in Pu Miao, China (A town in the Yongning District, in the Eastern suburbs of Nanning, Guangxi) in April of 1996 and got adopted by my two wonderful parents in September 1997. My parents at the time were living in the suburbs outside of Chicago and from what they told me they started the process of adoption in 1995 and that it was such a surreal experience from all the paperwork they had to fill out to coming to get me. Being adopted has been one of the best things that has happened to me but at times one of the hardest things to come to terms about. For as long as I could remember, I’ve wondered who I really was & why I was given up. I had so many unanswered questions and still do to this day. For years I kept on visiting the questions, ‘why did they give me up? Was I not good enough?’ Being adopted has impacted me quite a bit. I fear that those close to me are going to leave me and not come back. It’s an awful feeling. Being adopted is something I will always carry with me,  but has lead me to meet some of the most amazing people in my life. When I was adopted my parents decided to start  a group with other parents who were also adopting children from the same orphanage as me so they could stay connected and so we could basically grow up with others who had something in common. We met every year in the beginning of August and we’d spend the weekend together going on outings such as museums, parks, going swimming and going out to dinner. I always looked forward to this every year. It was a great way for the adoptive parents to stay connected and for us, adoptees to be around each other. Everyone was like family. It was like having many siblings. To know that someone went through the same thing you did helped me personally. I didn’t feel alone. I felt like I belonged. As we got older we haven’t met up but we still keep in contact through Christmas cards and social media today. I am so grateful to this day to meet new adoptees who share somewhat similar stories to mine. It honestly isn’t an easy topic to talk about for me because it stirs up many emotions and it makes me wonder why things happened the way it has, but makes me view things in a different way. I have decided that I want to take some time out of my life and use my voice and become an advocate for child adoptions both internationally and nationally, educate and bring awareness. I’m beyond thankful for my parents and for those who took care of me and helping my parents adopt me and becoming the person who I am today.